The Skeleton to my Game Reviews

Although I’m pretty much entitled to getting my review underway before Monday passes, but realizing that there should be some kind of script beforehand, I decided to blog on how I should speak my opinion on games, what order they should be in, and plausible features that would go well along my style of review. Thus, here’s my skeleton of game reviewing format.

*Insert my copy of game box*

Let’s see… I start with an idiotic intro of my before & after experiences with the game for about maybe 3-5 sentences worth.

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COVER ART & MANUAL: *Insert 1-10 score*

“Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” Unarguably true, but us masses are like sheep. We don’t know jack shit on what to expect from these games and there’s very few ways to actually tell “WTF IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?” The general thought is just looking at the damn box and think what comes to mind from the pictures. I’m also adding the MANUAL along with the COVER ART because depending the games you buy, there’s actually some that are worth reading with a sense of attraction (Like Rumble Roses, I swear, Dixie’s ass gives a new meaning to “In your face!”).

Promising or lying ratings.

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GULLIBLE CONCEPT: *Insert 1-10 score*

The brilliant story of a game could very well be forgivable even if it plays worse than messy diarrhea. It’s uniqueness may create cult followings. We may just sell our souls  to the devil to see our favorite characters a reality (COSPLAY DOES NOT COUNT!) .

Insulting or ingenious ratings.

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EYE CANDY: *Insert 1-10 score*

“Graphics doesn’t make a game…” There’s a reason why there’s such thing as visual novels in the video game genre. Though I don’t think people would argue with the quote, because you know… OUR GENERATION IS FULL OF GRAPHIC WHORES AND GRAPHICS WHORES ONLY… With perhaps fanboyism/fangirlism in works, but the kiddies’ glee of calling old school games shit is always existent. Not teh shit mind you, just shit.

Sexy or fugly ratings.

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GOD’S BOOMING ORCHESTRA: *Insert 1-10 score*

The sound of heaven or sound that makes your ears vomit shit, either way, I prefer the older tunes, if only because the respect value is so much greater and easier to hum/whistle to. You ever get one of those days where you just can’t stop thinking of that one epic track/voice of the game (Game Over Yeah! and URDED comes to mind)? No? I guess I’m crazy 24/7 then. And really, how many more times I’m I gonna hear Triple H secretly came to the Rock’s sharpshooter throughout the SvR series?

Catchy or forgettable ratings.

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LET’S PLAY!: *Insert 1-10 score*

I could branch this section into limitless subdivisions and I still wouldn’t get to the bottom of abyss. but to break up the commons… Gameplay, controls, entertainment, replay, and playability to be simple. Some other crap I may mention though nothing will actually make this score rating solid maybe sometimes but most of the times it will be unlikely. Especially for guys like me, most of the times I put double, triple, and sometimes even quadruple meanings to my words, only when I’m lazy I do otherwise.

Entertaining or boring ratings.

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Hmm… 5 category ratings seems good enough for me to judge about but… I wouldn’t be satisfied with just that, I need some flavor for it. Extras!

THE GAME’S BAMF: *Possibly insert character’s picture*

Acronym for Dane Cook’s Bad Ass Mother Fucker(Not to be mistaken for Bruno Mattei’s Big Ass Mother Fucker). As the extra implies, it represents my point of view on who’s the best of the fucking A cast. Nothing too deep, otherwise I’d be spoiling which I’m sure nobody likes except mayhaps the nosy. Only dudes may achieve this title but the next extra is only for the ladies.

THE GAME’S BABE: *Possibly insert character’s picture*

Ah yes, depending on the developer’s choice, women are either exaggerated or unappreciated. I try to take the line down the middle, the video game industry needs more women. I find it a bit sexist that over half the time, the male characters get the spotlight while the female characters are used as leftovers and fan service. Hopefully the games I’ll be reviewing won’t be too ridiculous on the ladies.

THE GAME’S TRACK: *Insert track from SoundCloud account*

I think the best way to conclude my trials of judgment is my most memorable and catchy score from the game and give a brief description of why I like it so much.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE?:

If you don’t understand William Shakespeare’s vision then I pity you.

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NEXT STOP!: *Insert 1st track or theme*

Without conveying anything, I’ll simply show what’s next in store for me to do in my checks list.

I’ll go ahead and do the 1st reviews game theme since I gotta test soundcloud again, though if you’ve been with me this whole time, you would know what’s comin’ to ya.

NEXT STOP!:

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